Reality is setting in today - more like crashing down actually. We are going to have a baby in 2 DAYS. Even though we've had 9 months to prepare for this moment, it still hardly seems real.
I am feeling overwhelmed with both excitement and dread. I am so excited to meet my son and hold him and show him off to his new family and friends. The quick glimpse we got of his face on the sonogram yesterday made the anticipation of those moments even more exciting, and I'm convinced he looks like me. I'm also really looking forward to not being pregnant anymore, and slowly regaining some control over my own body.
I'm also dreading what it will be like to try and recover from major surgery while learning how to care for and breastfeed a newborn. That whole prospect feels daunting and like an impossible obstacle. These last few weeks of medical ups and downs have been overwhelming and emotionally draining, and I'm already so tired. It's going to get a lot worse before it gets better, and knowing we have many difficult and sleepless months ahead of us doesn't make accepting that fact any easier.
At least I am 100% at peace with my decision to have a c-section, so I have put that out of my mind. And there will be morphine involved, another entry in the 'pro' column.
Surprising to me is how sad and guilty I feel about what we're about to put the dogs through. It's ridiculous, I know, and they'll be just fine I'm sure, but they are my original babies and it makes me feel sad to think that they will have trouble adjusting or be sad that we don't have as much time for them. I also worry about Clipper, because she can be volatile and her reaction to the baby is hard to predict. Joe assures me that she'll be fine once she gets used to him, but I am so afraid that she'll be aggressive or jealous and snap at him or something equally unacceptable, and we'll have to decide if she can stay safely in the same house as the baby. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that, because it might break my heart.
8 comments:
oh my goodness! i can't believe he'll be here in 2 days! i have a little present to send you (if i can ever get off my arse and to the post office) i guess it'll be a welcome home Ian present! that's what i get for waiting until the last minute i guess.
Big hugs! Yay for morphine! And I totally understand where you're coming from with the dogs. We had a lot of the same worries (and it was a little rough when Jack started crawling and Guinness would get freaked out and growl). It's a transition for every family member. I hope Clipper and Teak do just fine!
Omg, I totally missed all these! Good luck- you will do great! Can't wait for you to meet Ian! It will soooooo be worth it!
Go A!
What time is your appt today? Any guess if you'll make it until tomorrow? I am so excited for you!
My OB appt is at 1:15, then I have my pre-op consult at the hospital right after. Even if my BP is high again today (and really, how could it not be??), I'm pretty sure waiting 24 hours won't make a huge difference. I have the hospital bag in the car though, just in case.
That makes sense.
Today, tomorrow. Potato, Potahto. Here comes baby!!!!!
Don't worry. You're going to be great!
It's baby day!
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