Reflections on my C-Section

Even after all the research and the agonizing discussions about the options, I was unprepared for a c-section. I was unprepared for how terrible the anesthesia made me feel - clammy and shaky and unbalanced - and for the drugs they gave to fix all those things, which mostly made me want to sleep through the whole procedure. I was seriously unprepared for the point at which the two nurses all but climbed on top of me on the operating table and put all of their weight on my chest to push the baby out. I honestly thought my ribs were going to break. I was also completely unprepared to be aware of the surgical noises that were really unpleasant if I thought about them long enough.

But most striking was how unprepared I was for the moment Ian was born. Joe actually watched them pull him out, and he said it was the most amazing thing he's ever seen. I of course didn't get to see this, but I did hear him cry for the first time and would have done it all over again just for that moment. I was a little too drugged to really react when they held him up beside the drape, and they gave him to Joe and then took him away to the nursery before I got to really see him, so the whole thing went by in a whir except for that one moment when he cried. I will remember that vividly forever.

Recovery is going well. I am not in as much pain as I expected to be, but my mobility is seriously limited. I am sore in muscles I didn't know I had, and my energy is drained very quickly. It's getting better every day, though, and I'm able to do it without any pain meds stronger than Aleve, so I consider that a victory.

I am so lucky to have a husband who is so willing to care for both me and the baby. Joe is a pro at diaper changes and swaddling, and is getting the hang of the over-the-head clothing. He has way surpassed me in the baby care basics, mostly because he takes care of those things while I slowly heave myself out of bed and make my way back and forth to the bathroom before each feeding.