I think I should take today's events as an omen. Ian's pooping is back to normal and I'm finally comfortable returning to nursing since I no longer feel like I have to monitor his milk intake so closely. This morning we tried our normal nursing routine and failed miserably. His latch is still so shallow and he has such a lazy suck - he falls asleep before he can really get any milk flowing. I tried to encourage him as much as I could, and kept switching sides to keep him awake, but it didn't work. He zonked out for a little while then woke up starving and upset, and our whole morning was thrown off as a result.
I spent the afternoon thinking about the options and considering what I want to do next, and had just mentally committed myself to at least going to the LC drop-in clinic and a La Leche League meeting this week when I dropped my pump. It still works but the suction isn't as strong and it makes a really loud noise when it's turned on. When Joe wakes up I will see if he can fix it, otherwise I think the decision has been made for me.
I really wish this wasn't so difficult. I would really like to be able to give Ian breast milk for the first 6 months of his life, even if it means pumping to bottles. But, my milk supply isn't what it needs to be STILL, even with dedicated pumping, Metformin, and fenugreek. We can continue working on the nursing and hope that his latch and sucking will improve, but I don't want to risk another round of constipation because that was pretty awful for him. I know there's nothing wrong with formula feeding, but in my mind it's not the absolute best thing I can do for my son, and I just can't get to the place mentally where I'm ok with that.
2 comments:
Good luck! And if you need to switch to all formula, just remember than many of us (including me) survived it!!! :)
I remember when I had to make this decision with Brady. He wouldn't latch on, and I was still in my last semester of grad school - so I didn't have the patience that you have had the past few weeks. Brady was screaming and the nurse (yes, still in the hospital) brought him in that little bottle of formula and he sucked it down and fell asleep. I cried for a few minutes, told myself I was a terrible mom for wanting the easy way out, supplemented with pumped milk for about two months (but was too lazy to keep that up)...went with the formula and never looked back. Once you get over it mentally, everything will be fine. Don't beat yourself up over this one...there are plenty of other things you can worry about that you have more control over.
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